My classmate and lab partner was a sensitive guy who imagined himself the next rock star. My electric guitar was on permanent loan it seemed; how could I not support his dream? Right after we graduated he found himself in the midst of a jungle in an obscure country fighting a war that he didn’t understand and didn’t believe in. When he had enough, he stood up in the line of fire and his dream ended. Viet Nam made me a different person.
As a child I made a vow to make a difference in the world; I would ‘do something’ because the adults of the world who were in charge weren’t doing anything. In fact, they were messing it up pretty well. My generation had a different image of the world—we had a dream called ‘peace.’ Over and over I watched my peers—boxes and boxes of them—offloaded from aircraft returning from the war. When I had enough, I rolled up a joint and the sleeves of my army shirt, bought a van and began an anti-war journey. I left home, changed my image and moved in with musician friends to tune in and drop out.
A blur of music festivals, anti-war protests, traveling with musicians, learning to be a promoter and how to organize, I railed against anything establishment. If you want to understand what establishment means, tune into the mayor in Ghosts short film. I meant well. We all did. And then we hit young adulthood and many of us gave up. We had families, we fit in, we lived normal lives.
But for me, the dream never faded; I couldn’t conform. When I became a single parent, I realized the one thing I could do to change the world was to teach my children to be the change. I joined Beyond War and Ban the Bomb groups ; exposed my children to all different kinds of races, faces, places and ages; I hung out with peacemakers; hosted Russians in my home; donated time and energy to anti-war and anti-nuke organizations; joined Hands Across America and hauled my children with me across several states to join the line; I played and sang Michael’s We Are the World until it became our anthem.
One day the light dawned. The energy of anti wasn’t working for me. To the chagrin of friends, I refused to organize any more rallies or stand on any more street corners with signs. I began to create artwork with a message, studied creative writing and began to write poetry, enrolled my daughter in the Peace Child Project and joined Sister Cities. I became the producer, a performer and even Master of Ceremonies for the Annual Harmony Peace Concerts at Lawrence University. The epiphany that landed on that day was that when you are anti-anything your energy is oppositional and harsh. When you extend a hand and ask people to join you in making the world a better place, that is asking a favor that is hard to say no to. That’s when I began to learn diplomacy, how to become a global citizen, how to make friends with an established enemy, how to become a ‘fisher of men’ and to use energy to appeal to the loftier side of human nature.
That’s when the Spiritual Masters began to arrive in my life because “when the student is ready the teacher appears.” They taught me that there is nothing wrong with righteous indignation or being unsettled with the status quo; we can change the world. And often we should. But the approach makes all the difference. They taught how to: recognize the ego’s voice; become an advocate of we are one race, one humanity; recognize the mirror and how to use it; be the change and what that means; make peace with yourself first; find no enemies, but only those not converted to love yet; shift the body’s energies with breathwork and body disciplines; use a practice to still the mind; hear the voice of intuition; set powerful intention; learn and master healing practices; perform energy work; study bio-illumination; recognize and seek enlightenment; see the journey not the destination; communicate with all of life and too many more to mention.
People feel who you are being. Being anti-friend and anti-“them” doesn’t work. Neither does trying to shout someone down because well… you’re right, right? And that makes them what, wrong? No one wants to be defeated? What does work is seeking always to be the vibe you’d like them to join. Lecture from across the desk and you get resistance; come to this side of the desk and explain how we are going to work on it together and the listening gets easier. Encourage and you get engagement.
People are not "being the change" because they don’t know how. They don’t see the benefits of it or they aren’t motivated. They want to know ‘what’s the advantage?’ ‘What’s in it for me?’ People do things for their reasons not your reasons. Find their reason. Feel their pain. Touch their dream. Then give them the light: ‘Here is what I see you becoming…’ or ‘come on with me and check out the light over here...’
It doesn’t always work at first. But once the door is open even a tiny crack, there is opportunity for light to enter. Even if it's only a sliver of light. Criticizing, name calling, slamming others’ self or ideas does nothing to change the energy; in fact, it lets in more shadow, yours, making the light harder to shine. Continuing the argument is not useful. Deliver the message. Period. Dangle the light in front of their eyes by being that light. Then end the dialogue so they can think it over privately. Stop there. 'Let it simmer.' A chess game to maneuver one into checkmate cannot continue if one person leaves the game. What is the fun of playing alone? There's no payoff. End the opportunity to create resistance by ending the game.
What you resist persists. That is how the Universe works. The argument isn't important anyway and wining only feeds your ego-- not the spiritual you! And their losing deflates their self esteem- why do you think they fight so hard? They mistakenly think they are fighting for their self esteem! How hard would you fight? How would you hear the message: "I don't like who you are being?" It’s the duality on this planet that gets us into trouble—us/them. It’s our own ego that gets in our way. Why is it important to argue and to “win?” “Winning” is manufactured in the mind; it's not a real thing. You can't hold it in your hand or use it like compensation to gain anything. It's not substance. It lasts only awhile; glory always fades quickly. But human hearts last a lifetime. Capture hearts.
Mystery invites. Enchantment works. In the midst of a challenge take a moment to feel your heart. Feel the love that lives there. Then extend that same feeling across the space to the other. Let them feel who you are being. That is what changes hearts. Can you be that all the time? Even if you can’t extend it always, it’s important to try. I know, I know; I write it better than I do it! But intention is everything. Intention is your energy. Your intention communicates to another person non-verbally. Can you feel it? It’s not perfection; perfection is not required. It’s a practice. And practice improves the performance—for the performer and the audience. Just ask Michael.
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